QuackMeHard

Didn’t get around to posting the first one yesterday, so you get two today ;-)

The link I mentioned is http://www.simplytutucute.com

and this is just cute :-)

boredom :-p

because i can’t type

I had postpartum depression after I had Widget. It was absolutely terrible, and I can’t think of a way to remotely describe how it felt. This time around, things are SO different. I’m infatuated with the babe, I hold no resentment towards… ANYONE.. I’m just GREAT! Genuinely wonderful… So when the times come that I start thinking about how much I wish my mom were here to meet her (and they come often), I’m afraid to cry. I’m afraid that people will think that I’m depressed and that it’s happening again.

Last night I was layin’ in bed and my thoughts went from Widget’s room (which we just painted and redecorated) to the furniture she has and where it came from. My mom bought her a toddler-sized chaise (that’s fuschia - it’s AWESOME) and I was thinking that it could go in the baby’s room when Widget outgrows it. And then I was thinking that she’s not going to get any of the random stuff that I would never buy for them myself, but grammy would have LOVED to buy. She’s not gonna get the chance to be spoiled by my marmie…

Then the tears came.

I think that it’s a perfectly valid reason to cry.. It hasn’t even been 4 months since she passed, and I miss her so much. My biggest wish when I found out how sick she was was that she would make it long enough to meet the baby. I know she would have just LOVED having another granddaughter, and I wish she was able to meet her.

Now, I know it’s completely selfish on my part and that it’s a good thing that she didn’t suffer this long… but… I still wish they’d have been able to meet.

Anyhow, I went off on a tangent… I came to Jay last night when I was crying, and one of the first things out of his mouth was to question if I was still taking my anti-depressants (they were prescribed as a preventive measure since I had PPD last time). It went to prove that what I’d said above was true, and I can’t help but wonder when I’ll be able to be openly sad again…

One of the worst things about this is that I’ve been working so hard on trying to be able to express my emotions… and now I feel like I need to suppress them.

Time will tell, I guess… 

can’t write much, but yes… ANOTHER  challenge. this time it’s angles!! LOVE ‘em! here’s my entry!

My new mutt has arrived, and I’m so happy to announce it! She’s almost 2 weeks old (was born on the 4th), but I just haven’t been able to get into a mentally good place to sit down and write about it.

I was having such a difficult pregnancy that I was getting frustrated with everything. I feel very ashamed with my mommy skills the last week of my pregnancy, and I am SO lucky that I have such a smart, caring and understanding daughter. She put up with me when I would have slammed a door in my face (and hope it made contact).

Since the new one has arrived, things have been SO much better! I’m able to get more sleep, I can move freely (no more tears when I have to stand up - and I can RUN!), and I finally want to LAUGH! The misery of my pregnancy had more of an impact than I realized, and even just an hour after I gave birth, things got so much better. I feel like me again. Well, me as a mommy of two (holy cow - that’s gonna take a while to not be weird!).

Oh, and this kid is WAAAAY better than Widget was. I know, that sounds bad, but TRUST ME! Widget was the fussiest baby that I have ever encountered, and everyone that dealt with her as a newborn would agree. Now I have to go out of my way to check for discomforts, because I only get real cries when it’s time to change her diaper. She’s just so content.

My girls love to lay and look at each other. It makes my heart melt to see how great Widget is with her baby sister. The mornings are great because Widget comes to bed with me and we chit chat with the baby. -sigh- good times!

This picture frustrated me at first because I hadn’t changed my shutter speed (hadn’t had a chance to mess with camera settings since i had just grabbed it and hoped to get the picture) and it’s out of focus and blurry… and then i realized that the messed up settings didn’t matter, it showed what was going on right then… and that was that my babies were having a very happy moment.

Widget is so happy to be a big sister.

And I’m happy that my girls are happy. 

I was curled up in bed, cuddling with Ms. Widget, when she just rolled over and stared at me. I expected her to say something (you never know what’s coming out of this kids mouth next!), but she didn’t. She just looked. After a few moments she placed her hand on the side of my face… and just kept looking.

I wanted to ask what she was looking for, but I don’t think she has the vocabulary or exposure to put her action to words. I felt like she was looking deep in my soul. Seeking comfort? Giving assurance? Just lookin’ around? Who knows…?

Her big, brown eyes always make me think there’s something exquisite and moving going on in her head… even if she’s probably only thinking about ice cream!